by
Joslin, our daughter, was diagnosed with bone cancer 2 months after graduating from Sibley-Ocheyedan high school
in 1997. She endured an above the knee amputation and 9 months of being terminal. But she enjoyed life and desired to make each day special. The following points are things I learned and observed as I watch her live and die.
She died on
BE HAPPY
Joslin lived each day of her life with joy and purpose. It didn’t matter how sick she felt,
where she was, or what limitations she faced, she generally found
a way to smile and enjoy life, every single day. She journaled her “sad” away
and tried to focus on finding joy so she could be happy.
MAKE THE MOST OF WHAT YOU HAVE
Joslin rarely felt sorry for herself, or spent her time whining about
things she could not change.
She could not walk or dance on her own, after her cancer, but watching
others dance and run brought her joy rather than envy. When her body
started to fail her in the end, she accepted it without much complaint as
she took care of it the best she could. She looked for and found new ways to
enjoy her life… looking for what she could change and trying to accept what she
could not change.
APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE
Joslin tried to find good, and to look on the bright side of
things. Instead of dwelling on what she
had lost or didn't have, she tried to focus on what she had and what she could
do to make life a joy for herself and those around her. She tried to develop
an “attitude of gratitude”.
REALLY LOVE PEOPLE
Joslin greatly appreciated and loved her friends and the important
people in her life. Love gave her
joy, comfort, purpose and peace. What an example she was to me of how to love others
and express that love in ways that mattered.
BE HONEST AND TRUE TO YOURSELF
Joslin never left many wondering where she stood about most important
things. Her ways of communicating could
be as subtle as a look in her eyes and an expressive face... or as
dramatic as throwing a pillow. There was not much
doubt, usually, about what she was thinking. The world’s pressures seldom
led her to put on the masks so many of us feel pressure to put on to be
accepted. She did things her way – (no compromising!), and those
around her were usually blessed by her honest expressions and words.
BE AN ENCOURAGER, AND ASK FOR
ENCOURAGEMENT.
Joslin liked to look for ways to encourage and build up those around her.
Joslin also told her friends what she needed, and gave them opportunities to become
encouragers in those times she needed it. Encouraging others is a good way to
keep from becoming self-focused. Joslin came to see that real friends take
turns encouraging each other.
HAVE COURAGE
Although Joslin struggled with fear as a child… when she grew older fear wasn’t
something she entertained very easily. It seemed a pointless waste of
energy to her, one that got in the way of her enjoying life. She
faced every trial head on, often very calmly and patiently, given the
situations she had to deal with ... always looking for the best way to
make it through whatever trial she faced.
LAUGH WHEN YOU CAN, CRY WHEN YOU MUST
Joslin had a great sense of humor and loved to laugh. Some of the hardest times she experienced were
lightened up when she made a funny face or said something that cut the
tension. She didn't like to cry, but there were times, especially at the end of
her life, when crying was all she could do, and she honored herself and her
pain by letting the tears out.
KEEP LOOKING FOR HOPE
Joslin never gave up, even when faced with horrific things. People said that we, (her
family), and her friends saw her through all of her
struggles, but the reality is, I think, that she saw us through. Her
perseverance and joy in living encouraged us and kept us going. She tried to keep moving forward, no matter
what obstacles came her way. I imagine she faced the end of every day,
including her last ones, feeling like she had accomplished
everything she wanted to do, for she tried to do the best she
could with each day of her life...
She never felt like she was wasting time – most things she did pleased her and she felt they had a purpose. She wrote letters, and made phone calls, and created craft items for her loved ones to have after she was gone. She was determined to not let fear or cancer defeat her or change who she was. Even when her physical body was diminished by cancer, her true self - her spirit and soul – remained recognizable to the end. At the end, she simply went Home in her own fashion, (quickly and quietly), having lived her life fully and joyfully, as best she could. Along the way, she worked to accept herself and the changes in her life so that she could keep living well. And live well she did, for 20 years, 7 months, and 22 days.
HAVE FAITH
She had an innocent, honest faith, one that questioned why things happened as they did, and yet acknowledged that God was with her and that everything would turn out all right, in the end. Toward the last few weeks of her life, she looked forward to her life in heaven, knowing she would be able to walk and dance again, and to be free to really live again... She had eyes to see beyond this earthly existence, and knew that there was more ahead. Believing that Jesus would meet her as she stepped across the threshold into heaven was what made her death a bearable thought for her, and for us all…
Joslin taught us, in dying, that death is not such a scary thing, but only a change and a new beginning.
*Faith makes life worth living, and if Joslin were here I believe she would tell you so.
None of us knows when our last day on earth will be here. If you start each day with that in mind, you will have a better chance to live fully, enjoying the whole journey until you arrive Safely Home to heaven.