Invisible Mode?
I have a friend who sometimes goes in “invisible mode” when she is having a bad hair day or feels funny about people seeing her. We laugh about it and it is a joke we share. I am pretty sure that she knows she's really not invisible.
Recently, at the Spencer fair, I saw a different perspective on being in invisible mode. I spoke with Amy as she worked at her booth there. She shared how hard it is for her now that she has cancer and it is obvious to those around her. Some people ignore her or walk the other way when they see her. I think Amy really does feel invisible at times. She encouraged me to write an article about what it is like when you are treated as if you are invisible and you do not like it. It made me think about grief and loss and how people respond and don’t respond. Is it something you think about, too?
First of all, I do not want to come across as a grand expert on how to do things, or as if I do everything right. I don’t. Perhaps that is why I am sensitive to the problems of attending to others’ pain and suffering. I know how difficult it is to be the one who needs attention and the one who sees someone’s pain. I will share some of my thoughts, and I invite you to share yours with me. Email me at jowink55@milfordcable.com
Secondly, I hope you realize that suggestions made here are just that…ideas and thoughts and recommendations. Each of us is made differently, and I share these ideas as conversation starters and helpers. Whichever side of ministry we are on (being the helper or the one being ministered to) it is good to pay attention to our hearts and notice what we need and what we want to give. Thirdly, I want to acknowledge that being in grief and ministering to those who are hurting is always going to be a work in process. As we talk and share and listen and question and grow, we will all become more aware of what works for us and what is helpful.
If you are the one who is being ignored or walked away from, please try to not take it personally. Does it help to be reminded here that grief is complicated? Sometimes your pain and grief will trigger existing pain in someone else, and that might be why they are not able to help you or care for you as you thought they could. There are many people walking around who have had losses and did not do their grief work so they could be free to minister to people who remind them of their own pain. Sometimes others cannot relate to you and need your words and thoughts to understand what you are going through. They walk away because they are Clueless and need help understanding you and your needs. Try to forgive those who have hurt you. Look for those who are available and see you and care.
If you are one who has ignored or walked around hurting people… Do you know why? What are you trying to avoid? Have you considered what it would be like for you if you had experienced what they have endured, and are enduring? What would you want if you were that person? Can you apologize to the person for ignoring them and commit to making a change? Do you want to help, or can you direct them to someone who is able and willing to be a helper? Can you send a card, or see how you can try to meet a financial, emotional, physical or spiritual need? Don’t just walk away. Forgive yourself if you have, yes, but find a way to change. The next time it might be you who needs a friend and listening ear. It hurts to be treated like you are invisible when you are hurting. Do you think about how your actions or inactions affect those in need? These are difficult topics, and we do well when we consider our needs and the needs of those around us. Can we pay better attention to the workings of our hearts, and the hurts of people?
If you are the one who wants to be a helper… be honest. Be there because you care and have made a commitment. Learn to listen well and ask questions if you don’t understand.
If you are the one who is hurting… be honest. Take advantage of the opportunities when someone offers to help or listen. Share with others what it s like for you as you grieve and mourn and adjust to your new life. Don’t just give up and become bitter. Don’t just stay alone. Find someone who sees you and cares.
Where is the Church in ministering to hurting people? What I see is that far too often the people are ignored and hurt by those who represent Jesus to the world. I am reminded that we are called to be like Christ, who said that He came to minister to the hurting and broken people of this world. In Luke 4:18 & 19 Jesus says this about Himself, and I believe His Body is called to minister now as He did, in His name. God help us. We surely do need Him to do this.
Let’s try to see the hurting, grief-stricken people around us. If we see a brother or sister in need, let’s not close our eyes or pretend they are invisible. We can only change the way we relate to people, so let’s each of us work on being people who care. And if you are one of the hurting, I pray that you will find a way to become more visible to those who might see you and walk alongside you. Let’s practice encouraging each other as we take turns listening and sharing.
I have a friend who sometimes goes in “invisible mode” when she is having a bad hair day or feels funny about people seeing her. We laugh about it and it is a joke we share. I am pretty sure that she knows she's really not invisible.
Recently, at the Spencer fair, I saw a different perspective on being in invisible mode. I spoke with Amy as she worked at her booth there. She shared how hard it is for her now that she has cancer and it is obvious to those around her. Some people ignore her or walk the other way when they see her. I think Amy really does feel invisible at times. She encouraged me to write an article about what it is like when you are treated as if you are invisible and you do not like it. It made me think about grief and loss and how people respond and don’t respond. Is it something you think about, too?
First of all, I do not want to come across as a grand expert on how to do things, or as if I do everything right. I don’t. Perhaps that is why I am sensitive to the problems of attending to others’ pain and suffering. I know how difficult it is to be the one who needs attention and the one who sees someone’s pain. I will share some of my thoughts, and I invite you to share yours with me. Email me at jowink55@milfordcable.com
Secondly, I hope you realize that suggestions made here are just that…ideas and thoughts and recommendations. Each of us is made differently, and I share these ideas as conversation starters and helpers. Whichever side of ministry we are on (being the helper or the one being ministered to) it is good to pay attention to our hearts and notice what we need and what we want to give. Thirdly, I want to acknowledge that being in grief and ministering to those who are hurting is always going to be a work in process. As we talk and share and listen and question and grow, we will all become more aware of what works for us and what is helpful.
If you are the one who is being ignored or walked away from, please try to not take it personally. Does it help to be reminded here that grief is complicated? Sometimes your pain and grief will trigger existing pain in someone else, and that might be why they are not able to help you or care for you as you thought they could. There are many people walking around who have had losses and did not do their grief work so they could be free to minister to people who remind them of their own pain. Sometimes others cannot relate to you and need your words and thoughts to understand what you are going through. They walk away because they are Clueless and need help understanding you and your needs. Try to forgive those who have hurt you. Look for those who are available and see you and care.
If you are one who has ignored or walked around hurting people… Do you know why? What are you trying to avoid? Have you considered what it would be like for you if you had experienced what they have endured, and are enduring? What would you want if you were that person? Can you apologize to the person for ignoring them and commit to making a change? Do you want to help, or can you direct them to someone who is able and willing to be a helper? Can you send a card, or see how you can try to meet a financial, emotional, physical or spiritual need? Don’t just walk away. Forgive yourself if you have, yes, but find a way to change. The next time it might be you who needs a friend and listening ear. It hurts to be treated like you are invisible when you are hurting. Do you think about how your actions or inactions affect those in need? These are difficult topics, and we do well when we consider our needs and the needs of those around us. Can we pay better attention to the workings of our hearts, and the hurts of people?
If you are the one who wants to be a helper… be honest. Be there because you care and have made a commitment. Learn to listen well and ask questions if you don’t understand.
If you are the one who is hurting… be honest. Take advantage of the opportunities when someone offers to help or listen. Share with others what it s like for you as you grieve and mourn and adjust to your new life. Don’t just give up and become bitter. Don’t just stay alone. Find someone who sees you and cares.
Where is the Church in ministering to hurting people? What I see is that far too often the people are ignored and hurt by those who represent Jesus to the world. I am reminded that we are called to be like Christ, who said that He came to minister to the hurting and broken people of this world. In Luke 4:18 & 19 Jesus says this about Himself, and I believe His Body is called to minister now as He did, in His name. God help us. We surely do need Him to do this.
Let’s try to see the hurting, grief-stricken people around us. If we see a brother or sister in need, let’s not close our eyes or pretend they are invisible. We can only change the way we relate to people, so let’s each of us work on being people who care. And if you are one of the hurting, I pray that you will find a way to become more visible to those who might see you and walk alongside you. Let’s practice encouraging each other as we take turns listening and sharing.
posted by Jo Winkowitsch at 1:28 PM
0 comments
