Fractures… by Jo Winkowitsch
Yesterday I broke off part of a tooth. It happened while eating popcorn. I have broken off other teeth and am accustomed to what that is like, but it has been awhile. I was surprised by the shock of it, and by the pain which followed shortly afterward.
When it first happened, breaking the tooth was all I could think of. I found my tongue going almost constantly to the “new” tooth, to learn the shape and feel of what was left. The sharpness of it cut into my cheek and my tongue. I was not happy.
Last night the pain was difficult to deal with. Today I am eating very gingerly and have a tooth ache that comes and goes in its intensity. It is hard for me to not let it distract me from regular life.
I hope you can forgive me for comparing the loss of part of a tooth to the loss one feels when someone dear to them dies. I do know that nothing can really compare to the loss of a loved one… not amputation of limb, nor loss of sight, or the changes life brings us as we grow older… none are really the same. But working through our grief and mourning our losses when a death happens can be similar to what we experience, to a smaller degree, when fractures and tornados hit our lives.
Do you see them? Can you catch the analogies? If you have experienced loss or the death of someone close to you, I bet you can see them and understand. The shock, the pain, the unfamiliarity of a sudden change from what was long familiar into what now feels foreign and strange. The finality. The fact that breaking the tooth off was an out of control thing. It just happened. And now I get to deal with the result of what happened. That part of my tooth is gone. A loss can make a person angry. “Why now?” “Why me?” A loss can also cause a person to assess their life and ask “What now?” Sometimes a loss is so big that it changes our life, and how we live… forever.
I went to a funeral today. It was for a young man who had been broken off suddenly from his family and friends. The service was a sweet reminder of how someone can touch many people by their life and attitudes. Spenser’s life was celebrated, and God’s hope and comfort were evident. But the ache remains.
Grief over loss of a loved one is a normal process. Acknowledging your loss (mourning) is a necessary part of grief and includes accepting the reality of the loss, working through the pain, adjusting to life without the loved one, and re-investing emotional energy to your life. Grieving is an individual process that can be very intense or mild, immediate or delayed, and can last a short time or a long time.
When death has occurred, it will usually be difficult to focus on anything else for awhile. One thing that will help is for you to try to go easy on yourself. Give yourself time to adjust to the loss. Notice it, acknowledge the changes and your losses, and do what you can to try to help yourself deal with the pain and recover. Remember that those around you who also cared about your loved one are most likely suffering too. Grief sometimes makes relationship difficult when emotions are strained and people are weary.
Most of us do need other people to help us in the recovery process. We need listeners. We need others to share their stories with us. We may need help to see what we can do to try to regain functionality and purpose in our lives. For my husband and I, when we lost our daughter, we could not depend on each other for the support we needed as we had nothing to give to each other. We allowed others to help us in our grief so that we could come back together with the ability to help and encourage each other again. But it took time. Grief work takes time and energy.
If you have suffered the loss of someone dear to you, I hope you look for ways to receive from people and to reach out to others. My husband and I have been blessed to get to know many people as we became involved in the Okoboji support group for bereaved parents. We have been comforted by others. And we know we have been called to comfort others as we have been comforted. Often that may mean just listening, or being with someone, or sharing part of our story.
That’s the journey life takes us on… Through surprises and things that are out of our control. Through joy and sorrow. We press on, because life goes on.
It is the holiday season. Our hope and prayer is that we will all, on purpose, honor those who have left us, appreciate those who are still here, and thank God for the blessings and opportunities that remain.
And if your loss is recent or huge… chew gently…
Yesterday I broke off part of a tooth. It happened while eating popcorn. I have broken off other teeth and am accustomed to what that is like, but it has been awhile. I was surprised by the shock of it, and by the pain which followed shortly afterward.
When it first happened, breaking the tooth was all I could think of. I found my tongue going almost constantly to the “new” tooth, to learn the shape and feel of what was left. The sharpness of it cut into my cheek and my tongue. I was not happy.
Last night the pain was difficult to deal with. Today I am eating very gingerly and have a tooth ache that comes and goes in its intensity. It is hard for me to not let it distract me from regular life.
I hope you can forgive me for comparing the loss of part of a tooth to the loss one feels when someone dear to them dies. I do know that nothing can really compare to the loss of a loved one… not amputation of limb, nor loss of sight, or the changes life brings us as we grow older… none are really the same. But working through our grief and mourning our losses when a death happens can be similar to what we experience, to a smaller degree, when fractures and tornados hit our lives.
Do you see them? Can you catch the analogies? If you have experienced loss or the death of someone close to you, I bet you can see them and understand. The shock, the pain, the unfamiliarity of a sudden change from what was long familiar into what now feels foreign and strange. The finality. The fact that breaking the tooth off was an out of control thing. It just happened. And now I get to deal with the result of what happened. That part of my tooth is gone. A loss can make a person angry. “Why now?” “Why me?” A loss can also cause a person to assess their life and ask “What now?” Sometimes a loss is so big that it changes our life, and how we live… forever.
I went to a funeral today. It was for a young man who had been broken off suddenly from his family and friends. The service was a sweet reminder of how someone can touch many people by their life and attitudes. Spenser’s life was celebrated, and God’s hope and comfort were evident. But the ache remains.
Grief over loss of a loved one is a normal process. Acknowledging your loss (mourning) is a necessary part of grief and includes accepting the reality of the loss, working through the pain, adjusting to life without the loved one, and re-investing emotional energy to your life. Grieving is an individual process that can be very intense or mild, immediate or delayed, and can last a short time or a long time.
When death has occurred, it will usually be difficult to focus on anything else for awhile. One thing that will help is for you to try to go easy on yourself. Give yourself time to adjust to the loss. Notice it, acknowledge the changes and your losses, and do what you can to try to help yourself deal with the pain and recover. Remember that those around you who also cared about your loved one are most likely suffering too. Grief sometimes makes relationship difficult when emotions are strained and people are weary.
Most of us do need other people to help us in the recovery process. We need listeners. We need others to share their stories with us. We may need help to see what we can do to try to regain functionality and purpose in our lives. For my husband and I, when we lost our daughter, we could not depend on each other for the support we needed as we had nothing to give to each other. We allowed others to help us in our grief so that we could come back together with the ability to help and encourage each other again. But it took time. Grief work takes time and energy.
If you have suffered the loss of someone dear to you, I hope you look for ways to receive from people and to reach out to others. My husband and I have been blessed to get to know many people as we became involved in the Okoboji support group for bereaved parents. We have been comforted by others. And we know we have been called to comfort others as we have been comforted. Often that may mean just listening, or being with someone, or sharing part of our story.
That’s the journey life takes us on… Through surprises and things that are out of our control. Through joy and sorrow. We press on, because life goes on.
It is the holiday season. Our hope and prayer is that we will all, on purpose, honor those who have left us, appreciate those who are still here, and thank God for the blessings and opportunities that remain.
And if your loss is recent or huge… chew gently…
posted by Jo Winkowitsch at 10:46 PM
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