Good Grief… Help in dealing with your Grief
by Jo Winkowitsch, Dec. 2005

This is the 7th Christmas we will “celebrate” without our daughter Joslin. I can hardly believe that so much time has passed. I can hardly believe, sometimes, that I have survived, when my daughter did not. Those of you who have lost someone dear to you understand this. Others may not. What matters most is how you are doing this holiday season. It is a difficult time for those who are grieving.
Where are you in your grief journey? Is this your first Christmas without your loved one? If so, I want you to know that those of us who are further out remember the awfulness of that time. Most of us are willing to listen to your sadness, for we understand your longing for your loved one. Instead of wondering what present to buy, now you are wondering about how your loved one is, and where they are, and why they are gone, and whether they know what you are experiencing. You are missing their presence. And that will not change with time. But what will change is your ability to face the holidays without them. As time goes on, you will become more used to the missing times, and you will learn to cope better with the losses you face because someone will be missing at your home during the holidays.
If this is your second holiday season, your grief is likely different. You have survived the first Christmas, and you know how difficult those days can be. Reality has hit you full force, this past year, that the loss of your loved one is for the rest of you life. And that stinks. No, I mean it really stinks! So this year, when others think that you should maybe be “over it” or have gotten to a place where things will return to normal… consider letting them know that you will never be over it and that you have a new normal. Keep looking for what works for you, as you grieve and share your grief walk with others around you. Keep looking for people who you are free to share your sadness with, and yes, to share your precious memories with.
If your grief walk has been a longer one, you know that getting used to your loss is a one step forward, two steps back kind of dance. I hope and pray that this year brings you the ability to more fully celebrate the life and the love you were able to share with your dear one. I hope that you can reach out to other bereaved people who may need someone just like you to share their pain or joys with.
Joslin loved Christmas and made the season so much fun by her love of the splendor, the colors, the wrapping, the lights, the food, and the joy of giving. My Christmas is darker and sadder since she is gone… yet it also drives me to the Light of the world for more help and more light from Him. She would be glad for that… for the True Light brings meaning and purpose and joy and peace that the world cannot take away… Because I do believe there is Life outside of this life, I can go on… for however many Christmas times I am given to experience, according to God’s Story for my life. But I will continue to miss my sweet child. If you are reading this you likely understand.
I find myself more willing and able to think about and share memories of Joslin as I face another Christmas and another New Year without her. If you need a willing ear or someone to share your loss with, find someone who will listen. Talk to someone in your family, at your church, or look for a support group to help you deal with your grief and losses.
Try not to lock away your grief or just struggle to make the pain go away. I have met too many people who lost their loved one many years ago and the pain is still so intense when they try to talk about it, they cannot. I believe this happens because the pain is not allowed to come out when it presents itself. And I struggle, too, for those of you who wonder. Letting my emotions freely come out is often a very difficult thing for me. But I am continuing to learn how to be the beautiful mess God created me to be. I know that dealing with emotional "constipation" is not fun, so I try to make time for my sad to be expressed, so I don't have problems. (Please excuse the crude analogy. It works in my head).

Dear Reader,
Keep talking about and sharing the love you have, especially
concerning those special ones who won't be coming home for the Holidays.

And may you have a blessed, joy splattered, peace filled Christmas,
as you celebrate Life and live.